I’ve been a bad blogger. I apologize for neglecting you, my faithful readers, and for putting my parents and siblings in the position of explaining my absence. In my defense, a chain of events (including a ripped cable that denied all of Asia access to my blog, the Christmas holiday, my family’s visit, and a January due date for one graduate school application) did make it rather difficult to write. But that is really no excuse; I shall try to be better from now on. Although, I do not make any promises about my blog activity until I have completed another application . . . The posts starting with ‘My Aluva Family’ from December 8th should update you on the last 2 months. They are dated for the day they were written or should have been published.
- - - - - - - -
I partially blame my disappearance on what I am calling ‘The January Slump.’ I spent the first part of last month focused on life outside India . . . With the arrival of the Niesen clan, I distracted myself with the comfort of family; then my graduate school application steered me to thoughts of the future. On top of a ten-day holiday for Christmas, this made for a difficult transition back to life in my site. And this was not helped by an increasingly obvious realization that I am not called to be a teacher; while I love my students and my school, I was feeling rather burnt out with the routine. Ultimately these factors led me to be generally ‘un-present.’
For months I have been conscious of my need for self-care and have responded to my exhaustion by making room for relaxation and recovery. However, now I also realize that this sometimes became a convenient excuse for withdrawal. As a fellow YAV recently reminded me, fatigue is a symptom of culture shock (something which is still affecting us whether we admit it or not). The cruel reality is that, by retreating to my room to take rest, I both remove myself from the people with whom I must build relationships and prevent myself from claiming this community as ‘home.’ Thankfully, with this self-diagnosis, I can now make the conscious decision to reengage.
I am (I believe) confidently on the road to recovery. A relaxing and interesting January retreat to Wayanad, one of Kerala’s northern districts, gave me space to both process with fellow volunteers and reflect on my reasons for being in India. As I’ve mentioned before, a primary reason I applied to the YAV program is my commitment to social justice, and spending our retreat time with an organization called T.U.D.I (Tribal Unity for Development Initiative) reminded me of this passion. The staff of T.U.D.I. introduced us to the issues facing the Tribal or Adivasi communities in Kerala; much like the Native Americans in our own country, these people fell victim to waves of migration that both displaced them and forced them to adapt to foreign social and economic structures. As the government takes control of forests where the Tribal people have lived for centuries, their communities become increasingly disenfranchised; they lose all claims to the land and are left without the tools needed to function within dominant society. T.U.D.I. works to give them these tools and to preserve traditional Adivasi culture.
After retreat I was able to make some adjustments to my schedule at Christava Mahilalayam. I believe I’ve restructured my time in a way that will help me stay energized, and will save me from a relapse into the world of burnout. Even if I am not called to be a teacher for the long term, I am for this year. And each day in the classroom does teach me valuable life lessons that will better prepare me for future endeavors.
By Sudie Niesen
Also published at www.sudieniesen.com
